This was not how this was supposed to begin. The date was always going to be March 19, but this was supposed to be a different post. A silly one about who I was and what I’m doing here and why. Last Friday changed everything. Probably for you too.
A piece of what I intend to do with this space is tied to my husband’s flying dream, not the whole thing, but the travel and some of the knowledge part. He has been working toward becoming a commercial pilot for the last two years. We’ve spent a lot of time apart. We’ve lived in different houses. He’s slept on couches. Collectively we’ve spent more time in cars trying to get to each other than we have spent together. All with the long-term investment in mind. We just need to get through this so we can have what we want. He is almost there, he has a start date, and has more hours in his logbook than he has to finish. So, when the reality of what has already happened to the travel and airline industry hit, we felt it to our core.
I fully realize that we have the privilege to be safe and make it through this time relatively unscathed. We have a shelter, we will be able to pay rent, we won’t go hungry, and we’re young and healthy. So, if we do our part, we will be okay. Standing in that privilege I still feel frustration and fear of uncertainty.
After a tearful conversation on Monday night and feeling the existential drama I usually spiral into in times like these creeping up, the spirit reminded me of the tag line I decided on when I decided to start a blog a month ago….
“a recovering control freak’s experiment on being tethered to her own soul + the spirit that guides.”
Ah, yes. The irony. Or rather the universe holding me accountable to what I said I would do. The universe is funny that way.
This experiment, this life experience, isn’t about what I plan on doing. It’s how I respond to the world around me, always keeping in mind that our souls are way more resilient and flexible than we realize, as well as more connected to others regardless of distance.
With that in mind, I choose to tether my soul to hope and compassion. To look for the good in the world and our ability to choose the good part of our humanity and not the greedy part.
Whatever this experiment turns out to be, it will be. Whatever this period in human history turns out to be, it will be. Let’s tether ourselves to wild hope, and remember that hope takes action, and that action right now is to stay put.
Right now, I find hope in my husband’s relentless pursuit to get us where we want to be even if the plan must change. I find hope in odd answers to nagging anxieties I’ve had about our ecosystem, natures need for balance, and the role I play. And lastly, I find hope in the knowledge that few things are permanent and answers to uncertainties come in their own time. A lesson learned the last time I was stuck at home and everything was up in the air in 2018.
I would love to know, where do you find hope?
Go Rachel go!
I find hope in nature! Even in the midst of a pandemic spring has sprung! Trees planted in place of 160 year old oak trees are growing new leaves. My God is an Awesome God!